Looking back now, I realised that I almost had a baby at the age of 13.
Yeah, at the age of thirteen.
My friends and I were playing "house" when I was playing the mother and the other guy was playing the father, while the rest of the kids were either my children or neighbours.
My 'husband' and I had found a perfect spot for us to make out. My husband was 16 and I was 13.
I began my periods when I was in grade 4. I was very young and confused. I didn't know what to do since I wasn't staying with my parents. My parents never warned me about what was going to happen now if I sleep with a boy. Dumb as I was, I knew nothing about pregnancy, condoms or sexual inter course. No one sat me down and told me these things, I had to learn them myself.
Anyway, as my 'husband' and I were about to make out, I heard my granny's voice calling me into the house as it was late.
Saved by my granny, yeah. And I'm really thankful for that or I was going to fall pregnant, no doubt.
I'm 23 years old now, and I hardly have plans for my life, and since I need my parents approval on some of the things, since I hardly can make decisions for myself ,why would I want to have a baby now?
I live under my parent's house, eat their food, sometimes get my taxi fare from them, if I can't afford to buy myself a loaf of bread, how can I afford to buy baby formula? Diapers? Medication? And clothes?
My mom fell pregnant when she was 17, she explains to me and my siblings how tough it was for her, but she never taught us consequences of sex. My older sister was 25 when she fell pregnant, she's 27 this year, good for her, and I respect that she was able to abstain till she was old enough to make her own decisions.
I see girls my age, having two if not three kids. I chose my path, and I focused on education more than I did on other things. I had my first intercourse when I was 19 going on 20. And I'm proud of myself because I did not, and still do not live the life of fitting in and impressing others.
There's a very high rate of teenage pregnancy all over the world. There are shows like teen moms, 16 and pregnant that many teenagers can watch and see how hard it is to have a baby at a younger age.
Teenagers today are fortunate enough, they are being taught about the consequences of unprotected sex during life orientation lessons and through television.
I do not know whether they are ignorant or just choose to ignore the message.
When I was 21 put on contraceptives 'cause of hormone issues I had, I would bleed two- three weeks and the doctor said I had active hormones. I have been on contraceptives before, not because I was sexually active, but because I needed to gain weight. Anyway, during my visits to the clinic for my injection, I realised that 80% of the females there were teenagers. Some still in their school unform, some skipped school, and they came for their injections... To prevent pregnancy.
Many teenagers fail to realise that contraceptives only prevent pregnancy but not HIV.
They would rather get HIV than fall pregnant. That's what they are saying.
I see teen mothers struggle everyday, baby daddy left them, and they are left to take care of the child all by themselves.
And some of these teenagers struggle at home, they come from poverty stricken families, they sometimes go to bed hungry, they sleep on the floor but despite the situation they are in, they go on and make babies anyway.
Some depend on the social grant which is under R400 a month, the money barely covers diapers and formula. They are forced to leave school at an early age 'cause they have to take care of the child while they barely can take care of themselves.
She throws her future away because of a stupid boy who promised her heaven and earth, and told her how beautiful and loved she is.
There's nothing that annoys me than a guy who whispers sweet nothings to me when all he wants is sex, I get out from that relationship as quick as I can. But we people are not the same, thus can't think the same, and this is why some think with their emotions rather than with their brains.
The sad reality about teenage pregnancy is that they end up wanting to have abortions. As a child I was taught that everything you do in life has consequences. My teacher told me this as I used to be a troublesome kid growing up. And this sticked to my mind and I did almost everything with caution.
I pity mothers who have to deal with their pregnant teenagers, because as a parent it means that they have failed their jobs, which is parenting. It means that your child is now in control and you have no say. And it is sad because your child has now humiliated you, and you have no say except to accept the situation.
I had a friend who was 17 at the time she got pregnant, and found out she was HIV positive, she had an abortion and quit school because she couldn't accept the fact that she was HIV positive. This was my best friend, I used to visit her twice a month after school , checking how she was doing and offer my support, she moved to another city and I never saw her again, I wonder everyday how she is doing.
And this made me realise that there are so many teenagers who are in the same situation as my friend was/is. And the sad thing is that, the issue of teenage pregnancy, unwanted pregnancies and HIV and other STI's is not a new issue to us. We learn about these issues everyday, we read about them, see them on TV's, hear them on radios , but this isn't enough to educate our teenagers. They just seem to know better, and seem to think with their emotions, they are sexually driven, and it's their bodies, therefore no one can tell them otherwise.
Teenagers.... Both girls and boys....especially you girly, since you are the one left alone to deal with the baby, since you are the one forced to leave school. I just want to let you know that, to every action there is a consequence.
The minute you unbutton that jean/skirt, you take off that underwear, you have already made a decision and you are now have to deal with the consequences.
Think about how you will put your life on hold, about how you will have to adapt to the motherhood from the childhood, think how difficult that will be.
Don't let a guy steal your happiness and to rob you off of your innocence.
Don't let a guy determine your happiness, just because he will dump you 'cause you won't sleep with him, then let them be.
A man/guy/boy that truly loves you will have to wait till you're ready.
Nonkululeko Evelyn Makhubu.
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