A few months ago I bought tons of clothes for myself, seventy percent of those clothes I must say that I haven’t worn them yet. Early this year I bought a very expensive dress which I only wore once because after that I didn’t like it anymore. I sold some of my shoes and clothes on gumtree this year, and most of those shoes were still brand new, never worn. I looked at my wardrobe today, trying to figure out what to wear at my cousins funeral on Saturday, and I didn’t like what I have on display. Tomorrow my sister and I are heading to the mall, to buy a few items to wear at the funeral.
The funny part in all this is that, I always feel guilty after purchasing stuff I don’t need. But this is who I am, I am never content with what I have. I have six pairs of boots for this winter, and I still feel like I want more. My cellphone is two months old but I want a new one already, I want a bigger tv screen for my room, bigger fridge, bigger wardrobe and other unnecessary things.
I don’t know the person I am today because this is not how I was raised. My parents did their best to provide for my siblings and I, and life was much better back then, in black and white, not as demanding as it is now, what was more important to my parents was being able to put food on the table, finding permanent jobs so they could be able to send us to school and enrolling us to the nearest Sunday schools. They are still like that, leading simple lives. My dad comes home from work, takes a bath and read his bible if he doesn’t feel like listening to SA FM. My mom prepares a hot meal for the rest of the family, bathes my little brother before helping him with his homework. Then my older sister, who is 27, leading a stress-less and happy filled life. She is not after materialistic things, she still has a phone which she bought five years ago, it has no Bluetooth or plays MP3 files, she just listens to radio on her phone and she is content with that. She dresses like an old woman and she is content with that, she is not into weaves or dyeing of hair, she keeps and maintains her natural look and she is content with that.
While me on the other side I am never content with anything I have, I always want better, and I feel guilty and sad after receiving it, then I cry. In this journey I am trying to discover the real me, and today I realised that all these years I’ve been living a fake life, fooling myself into thinking that I need new and stylish clothes to feel sexy and to be appreciated by society, while on the other hand, there are orphans out there who sleep on empty stomachs, who don’t have a shelter and are denied their right to education.
These are real life issues, while I am sitting here, wanting a bigger fridge, new clothes, new phone and more pair of shoes. someone out there only needs a
Slice of bread.
Blood donor.
Organ donor.
A glass of water.
A blanket.
All these things that most of us always take for granted. And towards the end of this post, I’ve made up my mind, I am not going to the mall tomorrow to buy clothes for myself, but I will go there to buy clothes for my Older sister and her lovely daughter.
I am done trying to portray a person that I am not, I want to live my life the way I am supposed to, the way I want to, not the way society expects me to be.
The richest people in the world are not always happy and content with what they have. They dont know what happiness is, they fool themselves into believing that they are happy but they are not. They pop happy pills every five seconds because the state of contentedness is never reached. Yet at the end of the day we try to be like these people, not knowing that they wish they were like us, living a simple life, because at the end of the day, it’s the simple things that count the most.
No comments:
Post a Comment