Teenage pregnancy.... I just don't get it.

Looking back now, I realised that I almost had a baby at the age of  13.
Yeah, at the age of thirteen.
My friends and I were playing "house" when I was playing the mother and the other guy was playing the father, while the rest of the kids were either my children or neighbours.
My 'husband' and I had found a perfect spot for us to make out. My husband was 16 and I was 13.
I began my periods when I was in grade 4. I was very young and confused. I didn't know what to do since I wasn't staying with my parents. My parents never warned me about what was going to happen now if I sleep with a boy. Dumb as I was, I knew nothing about pregnancy, condoms or sexual inter course. No one sat me down and told me these things, I had to learn them myself.
Anyway, as my 'husband' and I were about to make out, I heard my granny's voice calling me into the house as it was late.
Saved by my granny, yeah. And I'm really thankful for that or I was going to fall pregnant, no doubt.

I'm 23 years old now, and I hardly have plans for my life, and since I need my parents approval on some of the things, since I hardly can make decisions for myself ,why would I want to have a baby now?
I live under my parent's house, eat their food, sometimes get my taxi fare from them, if I can't afford to buy myself a loaf of bread, how can I afford to buy baby formula? Diapers? Medication? And clothes?

My mom fell pregnant when she was 17, she explains to me and my siblings how tough it was for her, but she never taught us consequences of sex. My older sister was 25 when she fell pregnant, she's 27 this year, good for her, and I respect that she was able to abstain till she was old enough to make her own decisions.

I see girls my age, having two if not three kids. I chose my path, and I focused on education more than I did on other things. I had my first intercourse when I was 19 going on 20. And I'm proud of myself because I did not, and still do not live the life of fitting in and impressing others.

There's a very high rate of teenage pregnancy all over the world. There are shows like teen moms, 16 and pregnant that many teenagers can watch and see how hard it is to have a baby at a younger age.
Teenagers today are fortunate enough, they are being taught about the consequences of unprotected sex during life orientation lessons and through television.

I do not know whether they are ignorant or just choose to ignore the message.
When I was 21 put on contraceptives 'cause of hormone issues I had, I would bleed two- three weeks and the doctor said I had active hormones. I have been on contraceptives before, not because I was sexually active, but because I needed to gain weight.  Anyway, during my visits to the clinic for my injection, I realised that 80% of the females there were teenagers. Some still in their school unform, some skipped school, and they came for their injections... To prevent pregnancy.

Many teenagers fail to realise that contraceptives only prevent pregnancy but not HIV.
They would rather get HIV than fall pregnant. That's what they are saying.

I see teen mothers struggle everyday, baby daddy left them, and they are left to take care of the child all by themselves.
And some of these teenagers struggle at home, they come from poverty stricken families, they sometimes go to bed hungry, they sleep on the floor but despite the situation they are in, they go on and make babies anyway.

Some depend on the social grant which is under R400 a month, the money barely covers diapers and formula. They are forced to leave school at an early age 'cause they have to take care of the child while they barely can take care of themselves.
She throws her future away because of a stupid boy who promised her heaven and earth, and told her how beautiful and loved she is.

There's nothing that annoys me than a guy who whispers sweet nothings to me when all he wants is sex, I get out from that relationship as quick as I can. But we people are not the same, thus can't think the same, and this is why some think with their emotions rather than with their brains.

The sad reality about teenage pregnancy is that they end up wanting to have abortions. As a child I was taught that everything you do in life has consequences. My teacher told me this as I used to be a troublesome kid growing up. And this sticked  to my mind and I did almost everything with caution.

I pity mothers who have to deal with their pregnant teenagers, because as a parent it means that they have failed their jobs, which is parenting. It means that your child is now in control and you have no say. And it is sad because your child has now humiliated you, and you have no say except to accept the situation.

I had a friend who was 17 at the time she got pregnant, and  found out she was HIV positive, she had an abortion and quit school because she couldn't accept the fact that she was HIV positive. This was my best friend, I used to visit her twice a month after school , checking how she was doing and offer my support, she moved to another city and I never saw her again, I wonder everyday how she is doing.

And this made me realise that there are so many teenagers who are in the same situation as my friend was/is. And the sad thing is that, the issue of teenage pregnancy, unwanted pregnancies and HIV and other STI's is not  a new issue to us. We learn  about these issues everyday, we read about them, see them on TV's, hear them on radios , but this isn't enough to educate  our teenagers. They just seem to know better, and seem to think with their emotions, they are sexually driven, and it's their bodies, therefore no one can tell them otherwise.

Teenagers.... Both girls and boys....especially you girly, since you are the one left alone to deal with the baby, since you are the one forced to leave school. I just want to let you know that, to every action there is a consequence.
The minute you unbutton that jean/skirt, you take off that underwear, you have already made  a decision and you are now have to deal with the consequences.
Think about how you will put your life on hold, about how you will have to adapt to the motherhood from the childhood, think how difficult that will be.
Don't let a guy steal your happiness and to rob you off of your innocence.
Don't let a guy determine your happiness, just because he will dump you 'cause you won't sleep with him, then let them be.
A man/guy/boy that truly loves you will have to wait till you're ready.

Nonkululeko Evelyn Makhubu.

And this is why I hate Christmas….

I truly hate Christmas, I don’t find it as something I can celebrate or enjoy.

Many people love Christmas because it is “that time of giving”, but why only on Christmas day? Why not buy gifts during the year and give them out just because you can?

I view each and everyday as a time  of giving, I don’t necessarily have to give gifts only on Christmas.

Anyway, I’m planning on making this post as short as possible,so let’s get to the point.

I hate Christmas because I think it is for rich people.

They can afford to buy each and everything they want, Even some of the petty things they may never use, then end up discarding them in a bin.

While on the other side there are people living in shacks who can’t afford to put a hot plate on their table, who can’t afford to buy a loaf of bread on that Christmas day.

While other families are gathering around the table eating Kentucky and over the moon desserts, many families out there, someone out there is dying of hunger.

Christmas makes me think of disadvantaged people.

I’m talking about orphans in orphanages who are not sitting around the same dinner table as their families, they long for that feeling, they long for happiness, for love,and laughter, but Christmas just brings emptiness and loneliness inside them.

So many kids get to wear new clothes on Christmas day, while other parent’s can’t afford to buy their kids even a single pair of shoes. These kids  just like me (not to say I went through the same thing) end up hating Christmas, because they also want to wear new clothes, but because their parents can’t afford it, they end up feeling like outcasts.

I grew up hating Christmas because I’m a humanitarian, I don’t want to see kids suffer, I want everyone to be happy, and since kids/people from disadvantaged homes can’t get as much happiness like we ordinary people and the rich people do, it just makes me sad thinking about them.

I hate Christmas because it is a pagan holiday, many believe Jesus was born on Christmas day when in reality He wasn’t, God condemns using pagan customs to worship Him.  ‘How did these nations serve their gods? I also will do likewise.’ You shall not worship the LORD your God in that way . . . Whatever I command you, be careful to observe it; you shall not add to it nor take away from it” Deuteronomy:12:30-32

Christmas makes me thing of the sick in hospitals, the innocent in jails, eating food that is under cooked if not charred.

The sick fighting for their lives in hospital beds, thinking they might not even see a tomorrow.

The homeless, still homeless on this day, a day that many people deem as a day of celebration, a day of joy and happiness, to many out there……….. It is just a day of sorrow and strife.

Fuck Christmas.

We ngomso lam awundicacelanga ngani?

We ngomso lam awundicacelanga ngani? (my future/my tomorrow is not clear to me.)

Tonight is one of those nights I just feel emotional.

It is the festive season, and I know I should be happy and joyful, but I’m not.

2014 was a year of challenges for me, However, I knew I would survive it since I was able to survive 2012 which was a year of anger, pain, sorrow and heartache for me.

I can’t remember the last time I was happy.

As in truly happy.

No one said life was to be a bed of roses.

No one said life was easy.

And no one said it was hard too.

2014 was a year of challenges that made me question God’s existence.

That drew me apart from God.

And because of this, I saw my self as a hypocrite because I always tell people about God’s everlasting love for us.

My faith in God was shaken in a manner that I tried forcing myself to stop  believing in Him.

And I’m glad that I did not stop because I cannot imagine my life without Him.

I went through a lot of things this year.

Through a lot, and some I’m even ashamed to mention them.

But what kept me going is/was my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ that kept on reminding me that I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.

Yeah, I survived 2014.

Got four distinctions this year.

I pulled through and finally completed my final year at UJ.

Now, I don’t know what my future holds for me.

I can’t predict what will happen tomorrow.

My future/my tomorrow isn’t clear to me.

And I cant help but wonder what 2015 has in store for me.

However, I do know that my God, My Lord will not let me be.

I know that HE will hold, guide and protect me.

I know He has plans for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11).

So since I do not know what my future holds for me, I hope and pray that God’s plan will carry me through 2015

and ensure everlasting happiness for me. (For once).

Job, king Solomon and Abraham.

Chatting inside the megabus.

On our way home from varsity.

My friend and I were talking about inspirational stories in the bible.

Stories that motivate and inspire us.

I talked of Job.

King Solomon and Abraham.

Now how do these people inspire me?

Job because he never lost his faith in God.

Through his pain and suffering that God had put him through, he was still able to praise God. He worshiped God everyday and kept his faith still.

He never lost his faith in God.

And he kept on believing that God who had put him  through so much pain and suffering, will deliver and bless him abundantly. and He did.

With us, we are too quick to cast God away, If God puts us through pain and suffering we ask God why,

We think God hates us.

And we throw insults at Him.

Forgetting to realize that we are the chosen ones.

If God enables us to go through so much pain, we should consider ourselves the chosen ones, because God knows that we are able, God knows that we can handle it, and that’s why he allows us to carry such heavy crosses because he trust we can handle it.

The story reminded me of an email I received a few years ago.

Yeah still have it :p.

Anyway, here’s the email bellow.














I like this message because it reminds us that God can never give us more than we can handle,

So go on, carry your cross with pride.

It is okay.

King Solomon.

How does King Solomon inspire me?

He wasn’t a selfish man.

He did not do things that only benefited him, but that could also benefit his people as well.

God appeared to King Solomon in a dream.

And said “ask whatever you want me to give you”

He asked for wisdom.

Now put yourself in King Solomon’s shoes.

God appears to you in a dream. says the same. What will you ask for?

Probably money/ wealth.

Probably a fancy sports car.

Probably a triple story house.

And all those things are beneficial to only YOU.

King Solomon simply asked for wisdom.

And He was the wisest man alive.

His wisdom did not only benefit him, but it benefited him and his people.

Though his wisdom, He was able to solve conflicts among his people.

Abraham.

God told Abraham to offer his one and only son, Isaac, as a sacrifice to prove his devotion to God.

Abraham did not argue.

He did not sulk.

And he was willing to offer his one son as a sacrifice until God stopped him.

Now put yourself in Abraham’s shoes.

God asks you to offer your child as a sacrifice,

or your mother,

or your siblings.

or your loved ones.

Will you  be as brave as Abraham was?

Will you be able to offer your loved ones as sacrifice to God?

Food for thought.

N.E.Makhubu.

I’m sorry.

Well, I would like to apologize to everyone that I have hurt along the journey of life.

Along My journey of life.

I have done and said stupid things in my life.

Never meant to offend anyone.

So, whoever is reading this, and I have said and did bad things to you.

I would like to say, I am sorry.

I truly am.

To my parents,

father wanted me to be a lawyer.

mother wanted me to be a doctor.

I chose to be a teacher.

I am sorry to disappoint you two.

I am really sorry.

Truly am.

To my long lost lover

To my ex-boyfriend

To my future husband.

I am sorry that I cannot, or couldn’t be the best.

I am sorry that I cannot, or couldn’t be number one in your life and heart.

I am sorry that I cannot, or couldn’t be as beautiful as you want(ed) me to be.

I am sorry that I wasn’t/ I am not enough for you,

I am sorry that I disgust(ed) you.

I am sorry that I made you cheat on me.

I am sorry that I made you spew lies to me every single day.

I am sorry,

I truly am.

To my friends.

To my ex-friends

To my future friends.

I am sorry.

I am sorry that I cannot, or couldn’t be there for you when you need(ed) me the most.

I am sorry that we never had or have anything in common.

I am sorry that I made or make you feel ashamed when you walk around with me.

I am sorry that I am not fun.

I am sorry for all the bad things I have said to you.

I am sorry.

I truly am.

To my siblings

To my cousins

I am sorry that we are hardly in touch.

I am sorry that we hardly talk to one another.

Probably because I say the mean things.

I am sorry that we hardly go out.

Sorry that I cannot be as perfect as you want me to be.

I am really sorry.

Truly am.

Make a wish upon a star- Wishing Star.

I was watching Pinocchio this morning, and ‘his’ ‘father’ wished upon a star and his wish came true. This episode reminded me of when I was young, a best friend of mine at the time asked me what is it that I wanted, and she told me to wish upon a star and my wish will come true. She told me to look for a brighter shining star and wish upon it. I wanted to see my mom so bad that night, I hardly saw her, I only saw my mom once in two months, and I felt so empty and lonely without her.

So I looked for a brighter shining star and I made my wish, I said ‘Dear wishing star, I wish I could see my mom tonight, make her come, please make my wish come true.’

She came.

I saw her.

And I was happy.

Now I’m not going to  comment on whether this wishing star theory really does work, but, I think it had worked for me a couple of times, when I was young.

I don’t know whether it was a coincidence or not, whether it was really bound to happen or whether the wishing star really made my wish come true.

Now as I grow older, I tried wishing upon a star, and none of those wishes came true.

Sometimes I never take note of whether they come true or not.

But it has been really comforting to me, It’s like I have a friend, up there, in the sky.

And it’s like the wishing stars are my friends.

Are my guardians.

And they are willing to talk to me, listen to me and help me whenever I need help.

It’s been a while since I made a wish upon the stars.

I would’ve loved to made a wish tonight, but the sky is clear, there are no stars.

Willing to wish upon a star this week, hope my friend (wishing star) will make my wish come true.

I made a wish tonight.

To a star shining so bright.

I wished upon a star.

It seemed so near, yet so far.

Now some may ask, ‘why wish upon a star when you can pray to the one who created it?’

It may seem like I am idolizing the star.

But I’m not.

Talking to the stars makes me feel like I am talking to the creator.

Like the creator is looking down on me.

Listening to me.

I know He is.

But looking at the stars is enough evidence for me to know that God is here, and He’s watching and listening to me.

It’s like the stars are the messengers.

If not God Himself.

And it is comforting to know that God is looking down on me.

And listening to me.

Growing up with Anorexia.

I was really skinny growing up, and I guess this really lowered my self esteem. Despite me being very dark in complexion, or having big eyes, my weight really lowered my self esteem. I would be teased by the colour of my skin, or by the size of my eyes, and I would take it, laughed along if the joke was funny enough, but comments made about my weight would really piss me off. People would look at me in the streets and they thought I was dying of malnutrition if not TB. This really broke my heart.

I was never diagnosed with anorexia, just by looking at me, society thought I was anorexic because I was extremely skinny. I remember praying to God, begging him to help me gain weight, but I didn’t, well not until 12 years later when I began to see some changes. And I wouldn’t say that I was anorexic, because an anorexic person doesn’t realise how skinny they are, and they don’t even want to gain weight, they measure their calories when about to eat, and they hate food. I wanted to gain weight so badly, I ate any edible thing I laid my eyes on, and I didn’t care how many calories I consumed.

Bad memories about this whole anorexia thing, was when my technology teacher, in fifth grade, used me as a skeleton model, the whole class laughed at me, and even the teacher laughed with them, then in grade ten, my biology teacher used me as an example of an anorexic person, this was one of my most embarrassing moments in life.

I was really desperate to gain weight, would do anything back then, even made a decision to be on contraceptives at the age of 16, because I heard that one normally gains weight while in them, to even think I was not sexually active at that time. I took contraceptives for six months, without any luck, then gave up. I only ate greens, dairy products and beans, believing that they would help me gain weight.

I was too tall for my weight, my bones popped out, making me look really sick. I then soon realised that I had a faster metabolism and there was nothing I could do with it.

During my first year at varsity I weighed 43kgs, and now, four years later, I weigh 65.8 kgs.

I am happy to say I survived ‘Anorexia’ :).

Bullying

So why are we blogging about bullying today?

About a week ago I was watching one of my favourite shows, Dr Phil. In his show, Dr Phil had a lovely young girl, 16 years of age, and her mother, as well as the parents of the bully. Kattie (the 16 year old girl) was bullied by a young male by the name of Nick, who was not present at the time because he was embarrassed and didn’t want his face published by the media. The young lady was constantly crying when describing how she was bullied by Nick and his accomplices. Kattie had to drop out of school fearing for her life seeing that Nick and his team threatened to kill her.

I didn’t realise that bullying was such a serious issue, that it was really there in our societies, I thought it took place in the movies, and it was exaggerated by directors. But I was wrong, bullying really is there, and it could probably be the main reason why the youngsters of today drop out of schools. I was watching Noeleen  a year ago, and she was also discussing bullying, she had victims of bullying and they were explaining how they had to drop out of school to get home schooled, how they kept on changing schools every year and how the issue of bullying was not taken seriously by the schools.

So today I am here to share my story.

After reading a lot on bullying stories, I reminisced on what I went through during my primary school years, and it is now I realise that I was being bullied all along. I never deemed this as bullying because as a child I went through a lot of things, like coming home to a drunken grandmother who would shout at me for nothing, not living with my mom, and seeing my mom like eight times a year, so it didn’t really matter what made me happy or sad.

So this “friend” of mine, who was three years older than me,we were in the same grade, she was the oldest and tallest girl in class. She formed a group of ‘friends’ which I was part of, of course, there were like eight of us in that group, and she was in-charge of the group, seeing that she was older and taller than the rest of us, and we were all scared of her. Our lunch boxes we had to give them to her so she can decide who gets how much of the food and who doesn’t get anything even if they contributed. Lunch money she decided what was to be bought and the remaining change went to her sister so they could both spend it after school.

I was the most hated person in the group because I did not always have money or lunch box, and sometimes when I had contributed, I wouldn’t get my fair share. I would get home hungry only to realise that there was no food at home, and besides, we only ate once back then, supper.

So when the “boss” of the group decided to give me a fair share of my food, I learned to realise that there would either be something wrong with it, They would send me to the shop first, giving them enough time to spit on my food, yeah I would indulge in their spit without knowing, then after I’ve finished my food they would all have a great laugh then tell me what they did to it. There were different techniques everyday, if not spitting, they would put small insects, like ants or butterflies, then they would later tell me.

Some of my friends managed to break free from her, but I couldn’t, she kept on threatening me and I knew I stood no chance and realised that I could never break free.

I remember there was a time when my mom had came to visit me at home, she brought me earrings and they were the first earrings I owned in my childhood. So I went to school the following day, wearing them, the “boss” told me how ridiculous I looked in them, she then ordered me to take them off, I just stood there and looked at her, she ordered me to take them off and carve a 2 on my forehead, I refused, that was when she decided to take them from me, till this day, I don’t know what happened to my earrings.

I wish parents, teachers, and the department of education could take the issue of bullying seriously, because not only does it lowers a child’s self esteem and make them feel worthless and helpless, it also robs them off of their future, forcing them to drop out of schools or even worse, leading them to commit/ attempt suicide.

To parents; if your child, all of a sudden does not want to go to school, it is your duty to figure out why. Children could be very secretive, go to school and find out what is happening in your child’s life, talk to the teachers, talk to the friends and visit the principal’s office if need be. Ask them how their day was like, ask what they did in class, ask who they hang around with during break, find out what they like or hate about school, don’t assume that things are alright just because they look fine to you.

Lets all take bullying seriously for the sake of our children’s future.

We don’t want a bitter and hatred driven generation

we want a better and goal driven generation.

Contentedness.

Today I asked myself if I am content with everything that I have, if I am at peace and happy with how things are working out for me. And the real answer to this question, is No. There are so many things that I wish I could change in my life, only if I had the power to. I remember  a year ago, while I was in church, Pastor Mosa Sono was preaching about being content with what one has, his words really touched me, it’s as if he was directly speaking to me.

A few months ago I bought tons of clothes for myself, seventy percent of those clothes I must say that I haven’t worn them yet. Early this year I bought a very expensive dress which I only wore once because after that I didn’t like it anymore. I sold some of my shoes and clothes on gumtree this year, and most of those shoes were still brand new, never worn. I looked at my wardrobe today, trying to figure out what to wear at my cousins funeral on Saturday, and I didn’t like what I have on display. Tomorrow my sister and I are heading to the mall, to buy a few items to wear at the funeral.

The funny part in all this is that, I always feel guilty after purchasing stuff I don’t need. But this is who I am, I am never content with what I have. I have six pairs of boots for this winter, and I still feel like I want more. My cellphone is two months old but I want a new one already, I want a bigger tv screen for my room, bigger fridge, bigger wardrobe and other unnecessary things.

I don’t know the person I am today because this is not how I was raised. My parents did their best to provide for my siblings and I, and life was much better back then, in black and white, not as demanding as it is now, what was more important to my parents was being able to put food on the table, finding permanent jobs so they could be able to send us to school and enrolling us to the nearest Sunday schools. They are still like that, leading simple lives. My dad comes home from work, takes a bath and read his bible if he doesn’t feel like listening to SA FM. My mom prepares a hot meal for the rest of the family, bathes my little brother before helping him with his homework. Then my older sister, who is 27, leading a stress-less and happy filled life. She is not after materialistic things, she still has a phone which she bought five years ago, it has no Bluetooth or plays MP3 files, she just listens to radio on her phone and she is content with that. She dresses like an old woman and she is content with that, she is not into weaves or dyeing of hair, she keeps and maintains her natural look and she is content with that.

While me on the other side I am never content with anything I have, I always want better, and I feel guilty and sad after receiving it, then I cry. In this journey I am trying to discover the real me, and today I realised that all these years I’ve been living a fake life, fooling myself into thinking that I need new and stylish clothes to feel sexy and to be appreciated by society, while on the other hand, there are orphans out there who sleep on empty stomachs, who don’t have a shelter and are denied their right to education.

These are real life issues, while I am sitting here, wanting a bigger fridge, new clothes, new phone and more pair of shoes. someone out there only needs a

Slice of bread.
Blood donor.
Organ donor.
A glass of water.
A blanket.
All these things that most of us always take for granted. And towards the end of this post, I’ve made up my mind, I am not going to the mall tomorrow to buy clothes for myself, but I will go there to buy clothes for my Older sister and her lovely daughter.

I am done trying to portray a person that I am not, I want to live my life the way I am supposed to, the way I want to, not the way society expects me to be.

The richest people in the world are not always happy and content with what they have. They dont know what happiness is, they fool themselves into believing that they are happy but they are not. They pop happy pills every five seconds because the state of contentedness is never reached. Yet at the end of the day we try to be like these people, not knowing that they wish they were like us, living a simple life, because at the end of the day, it’s the simple things that count the most.

A quote by Colin Powell.

I had to share with you guys, the poem/quote by Colin Powell which motivated me to an extent whereby I cried whilst reading this. I hope you will get motivated as much as I was.

Thank you, Enjoy.

“The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve.
Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. An
important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative
thinking and negative acting people. As you grow, your associates will
change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you
to stay where they are. Friends that don’t help you climb will want you to
crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that
don’t increase you will eventually decrease you.

Consider this:
Never receive counsel from unproductive people. Never discuss your problems
with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who
never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how. Not everyone has
a right to speak into your life. You are certain to get the worst of the
bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person. Don’t follow anyone
who’s not going anywhere.

With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it. Be careful
where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life. Wise is the
person who fortifies his life with the right friendships. If you run with
wolves, you will learn how to howl. But, if you associate with eagles, you
will learn how to soar to great heights.
“A mirror reflects a man’s face, but what he is really like is shown by the
kind of friends he chooses.”

The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you
closely associate – for the good and the bad.

Note: Be not mistaken. This is applicable to family as well as friends.
Yes…do love, appreciate and be thankful for your family, for they will
always be your family no matter what. Just know that they are human first
and though they are family to you, they may be a friend to someone else and
will fit somewhere in the criteria above.

“In Prosperity Our Friends Know Us. In Adversity We Know Our friends.”

“Never make someone a priority when you are only an option for them.”
“If you are going to achieve excellence in big things,you develop the habit in little matters.
Excellence is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude..”..”
― Colin Powell

My favourite poem.

This is one of my favourite poems, I watched this video of Jeanette Iks on Youtube last year, didn’t really like it. so i decided to download the audio version of it, Listened to it this morning exactly after 9 months, Must say I am really in love with this poem. I remember my sister telling me how beautiful and touching it was, did not care to listen to it, till today and it bought tears in my eyes.

Hope you will enjoy it like i did.

You can watch the video here.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyXSFnZijSs



I posted the lyrics in case you would like to read them.





31 TO BE EXACT

And God said, “It was not good for man to be alone”,
So he created YOU
But somewhere along the lines
Someone changed your perspective
Shifted your view, like Eve.
You listened to the wrong voice
And took a huge tasty bite of deception
Now your stomach is upset
Because your spirit won’t digest it
No longer the woman that walks in the confidence
Of Ultimate artistic design
Submit your name change
We’ll call you Compromise
This is what happens when the Gospel
is according to whoever sits at the top of your playlist
and the media has become your bible
searching scriptures of magazines
being told you are dancing lead in Satan’s recital
But you are not her and she is not you
Cause we are called to so much more than
Make-up, hair, clothes and shoes
And dropping it like it’s hot even if we’re able to
We are women of a different status, 31 to be exact
We are content with not looking like anyone else
because we know our differences
are not a reason to be jealous, but God’s fingerprint
Don’t run around talking about how they are no good men
Because we know if we apply half as much effort on the inside
As we do on the out, we’ll stop drawing the wrong attention
Slow to speak, quick to listen.
Receiving intervention from a higher dimension
Seeking purpose, watching our God given visions
Come to fruition, never forgetting,
That we have been forgiven much
So we eat, we live, we breathe,
We give, we even sweat LOVE
Always ready to hear from the women with silver hair
Seeds have been sown and their wisdom
Saturated our soul, clipping our dead ends for growth
You’ll find us always promoting unity, serving in our community
Using our gifts and talents as an all glory to God opportunity
Wake up in the morning with a grind for the most High on our mind
Constantly being refined to be the exact of our architect’s design
We have no hearts, here’s the answer before the question
Any man that wants a heart will go to Christ knowing that it’s in his possession
Yes we are Beautiful and bare foot in the kitchen of grace
Pregnant with purpose, begging to Praise, Jesus is who we crave,
Awaiting to come to full terms so we can deliver back what has been deposited
Knowing good and well, one day we all will be audited
Mercy gives us second chances so we aint receive but we ought to get
We needed an intervention; Christ came to do lost prevention
On a cross he was stretched and fully extended
And we, we were given an extension, hear me
An Extension, hear me,
Because this price was worth far more than your finest Indian Remy
I know we can change the things we don’t like all for a simple cost
But Botox, Lipo and Implants aint got nothing on what was accomplished
On that cross
Because you can’t implant in yourself a new spirit
Or Lipo suck away your sin, you can’t lap band your addictions
And you can’t Botox away your depression
We All need Him
It’s time to change your status
Thirty one to be exact
Don’t be afraid of what’s abstract, let the Spirit of God be what attracts
We are women of a different status, this world we will impact
We are women of a different status, thirty one to be exact.

Love.

I never really understood what love is. I’ve never been a fan of love.

I’ve never been in a real relationship because I am scared of what love will do to me. If love will ever leave me vulnerable, hurt, broken and lonely. I am very protective over my heart. I am scared to take chances of falling in love, I however am curious to know what love is.

What is love?

They say love makes the world go round.

They say love is blind.

They say love comes from the heart.

They say love comes when you least expect it.

No one really knows what love is, We fall in love for the wrong reasons, hoping that the next person feels the same way as we do.

Love comes with responsibilities.

Maybe if people got that, then we wouldn’t be having this high rate of unwanted pregnancies and divorces.

I wish love could be what it used to be in the olden days, LOVE.

Our grandparents didn’t have to worry about divorces or unwanted pregnancies. When they said forever they meant it. When they said till death do us apart, they truly meant it.

I wish love could be what it used to be, not about how much money he has, what car he drives, and how thick and long his dick his.

I wish love could be what it used to be, not to be based on yellow bones or dark chocolates or whatever.

With this new generation, love has lost it’s meaning. The word love is loosely used, people say the word without even meaning it.



Whatever happened to getting to know each other first, realizing what the two of you have in common?

Taking her to the movies, Sunday picnics together?



Lately you just meet her at a shebeen, and before you know it, shes in your bed, two weeks later shes pregnant  and she doesn’t know who the baby daddy is.

You rejected her and you don’t even care to know whether the child is yours or not.

Yeah, love today is based on one night stands.

We don’t even care to know whether the next person has infected us or us them, as long as I’m not pregnant then we cool.

What is love?

 Love is indescribable.

You know that feeling when you can’t get someone off your mind?

When You just smile out of the blue just because you’re busy thinking of her/him?

When you can’t sleep at night because she’s/ hes all over your heart and mind.

Love is looking into his/her eyes, and realizing they are smiling only for you.

Love is wanting to hold your  lover, for as long as you can imagine.

Love is wanting more for another than for yourself.

Love is the biggest sacrifice and the biggest gift.



I wish love could go back to what it used to be in the olden days.

We bid thee farewell Maya Angelou

In 1928,

the greatest poetess was born,

Shared her powerful words of wisdom

Motivated a million,

but today we mourn

And this is why we bid thee farewell

encouraged every woman from all walks of life,

that they are, extraordinary,

that they are, phenomenal,

inspired those experiencing troubles and strife

that they are nothing less,

but exceptional

And this is why we bid thee farewell

advised every woman who is not “cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size”

that they are beautiful the way they are,

even when they are often criticized

Your wise and powerful words made them realise,

that they are more beautiful than butterflies

And this is why we bid thee farewell.

Farewell Maya Angelou

Farewell.

Wrote this poem as a tribute to Maya Angelou.

May her soul rest in peace.

by

Makhubu Nonkululeko Evelyn.

Abortion

They say abortion is murder, which I think it’s true. I’m not against abortion, nor against people who decide to “abort” their
babies. Although….I’m against “mother’s” who decide to abort our future scientists, who could have been able to find a cure for HIV. Our future doctors, who would have been able to save someone’s life. Our future teacher’s who could have been able to pave a brighter future for our children.

I’m against mothers who have sex without a condom, then get a shock of their lives when they realise that they are pregnant. And finally decide they’ve found a “solution” to their problem.
Children are a gift from God, they are loving and precious.
And then God decides to give you a gift….and then you’re like ” you know what God, stuff you!! I don’t want your gift, not now”.

Rather give that child for adoption, someone out there can’t have babies, and you bringing a child on this earth brings joy,
not only to the Lord, but to barren parents and to the child.

I remember last year rumors had it that I had an abortion, like really? I know the person who started these rumours actually, it was my younger sister’s friend, I had a chat with her, about abortion, and she probably told her family that I was pregnant and I had an abortion. Because she and her whole family always stick their noses on other people’s business, they decided to publish the lies that the little liar had fed them. I didn’t mind these rumours because they were just rumours, and rumours are never true. And I lived my life everyday with a smile, because I knew that what I was accused of was just a bunch of lies. But I have forgiven her because our Lord Jesus Christ urges us to forgive one another, I have forgiven her because Jesus Christ abides in me, and Jesus Christ never hold grudges, so why should I?

Anyway, to all those young mothers out there who decided to keep their babies, under whatever circumstances or situations you’re in, I just want you to know that God will strengthen you, I just want you to know that, you’re beautiful,
wonderful and strong in the eyes of our Lord Jesus Christ, don’t mind the judgmental creeps, for they will always be judgmental, and trust me, they will never cast in the first stone!!!

To the ones who decided to terminate their pregnancies, I just want you to know that our God is a forgiving God, he has forgiven you and He urges you to not repeat the same “mistake” over and over again. Ask for forgiveness of your sins, as the Lord Jesus would like to hear from you.

Remember, Kids are a gift from God, and they brightens someone’s day, somewhere, out there. Bellow, a poem about abortion I wrote in 2010.
Enjoy.
The poem is titled:

Voices from the unborn child.

I could’ve been 12 weeks old today
I was getting bigger everyday!
I couldn’t wait to see your face
To even see this place
I don’t even know why
Why I had to die?
I wanted to see the sky!
To see the birds fly!
I cried with you mom
When you were in a bad mood
That sushi u ate mom?
That could’ve been my favourite food!
I used to be your guide mom
During the night
I only went to sleep mom
When there was light
But now u killing me mom
That’s why I’m so sad
What if I was your only child
mom?
All you’ve ever had?

The spirit of the Lord is upon me

Luke 4:18.

I’m so in love with this verse lately. It uplifts my spirit, it…motivates me…it inspires me and makes me whole.

Words can’t explain what this verse does to me actually.

It makes me wanna deliver good news to the poor right away!!!

Growing up I wasn’t poor, nor rich. We just couldn’t afford the things that we “wanted”, as long as we had food on the table,

roof on our heads and love for one another, that was more than enough. In actual fact, the love that we had for one another in good times and in bad times made us look and feel rich.

My parents are strict actually, they didn’t allow us (me and my siblings) to have everything that we wanted. They knew what was good for us and that’s all they could afford.

R2 a day was enough as lunch money for school.

A brown cover was okay, as long as our school exercise books were neat and covered.

Pap and cabbage was our luxurious meal every night. As longs as we didn’t go to bed with an empty stomach. I mean after all many people couldn’t afford such food.

I’m grateful for how my parents have raised us. I noticed something about my younger sister, her friends always looking gorgeous, wearing new clothes, designer clothes, and she always appears wearing her same old clothes and still looks good in them. She never complains, she never pests my mom to buy her new clothes, she is grateful with what she has becaus she knows that there are so many kids out there who would die to have what she has.

So yeah. I’m grateful for my parents for teaching us to appreciate what we have, to be content and to be grateful all the times.

Thanks mom and dad, and I love you little sis :)

Anyway, now back to the verse.

I’ve always wanted to adopt, or have my own orphanage.

I’ve always wanted to save all those lovely kids from poverty, from abusive families, from slavery. I know I have the power to do this because the spirit of the Lord is upon me.

Beginning of next year, I want to create my own “feeding scheme”. Make lunch boxes for poor kids and deliver them in a certain school. At least 30 sandwiches a day would do, until I get a willing partner or volunteer or sponsor to help me. I have some money saved in my account, and with that money I’d really like to give back, to those lovely kids. And assure them that….someone out there cares. That I care, and that our Lord Jesus Christ also cares.

(30 sandwiches is nothing I know, At least I’ll be able to put a smile one someones face)

I’m not a selfish person, (not saying that you are) I know I should be buying myself new clothes, new cellphone, a tablet or perhaps a car. But I can deeply feel the Lord working in and through me, He inspires me because He also served/s His own people, and I’d like to do the same as well, to serve Him by serving the poor.

I told you, the spirit of the Lord is upon me.

“If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.” Isaiah 58:10.

I was inspired by this white woman Gail Johnson, who adopted an HIV black boy, Nkosi Johnson as his own son, invited him to her own home, treated him as her own son, looked after him every time Nkosi was sick, until his death. Gave him a decent

burial, opened an orphanage “Nkosi’s haven” in honour of Nkosi Johnson.

I know there are many people out there who do good for the poor, who give out to the poor, who donate money in orphanages etc, and I pray and hope that God will richly bless them, physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially.

ABUNDANCE, I say.

“Whoever is generous to the

poor lends to the Lord, and

he will repay him for his

deed.” Proverbs 19:17.

I pray and hope that my feeding scheme plan will succeed next year, and that my orphanage dream will also come true. In Jesus name.

I’m just going to close with this verse.

“Behold, this was the guilt of

your sister Sodom: she and

her daughters had pride,

excess of food, and

prosperous ease, but did not

aid the poor and needy.”

Ezekiel 16:49.

The book of Job

Job 2:10.

I love this verse, it proves how Job never gave up in God, even after God had repeatedly disappointed him and repeatedly hurt him by testing him just to prove a point to Satan that Job will never lose his faith in Him.

Job’s faith is unshakable, He
feared God and shunned evil.
He is described as the greatest man amongst all the people in the east. When bad things happened to him, he continued to praise and worship God, he
never lost his faith in God, he
still trusted and loved God,
regardless of everything.

Once upon a time, One day,
when the LORD had afflicted
Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the crown of his head, Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes it was when that his wife, after suffering and pain
that Job had experienced said
To him,”Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” Job replied and said, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”

Do you thank God when He
has answered your prayers? No, really, do you honestly take one second of your time and say “thank You God”? Ask yourself that question. Do you kneel down and thank God for answering
your prayers, just like you did
when you were asking for His
help.

Do you curse Him when
everything goes bad? When
everything does not go
according to your will? Trust
me I have. I felt like I was
God’s number one enemy. And I lost my faith, and cursed Him.
So that’s what Job is talking about here, we are only happy to receive good things from God, we
only expect God to deliver what we want Him to. And when bad things happen we are too quick to
reject Him. Too quick to question His existence, and too quick too
curse Him.

So, my brothers and sisters,
let’s worship God in all
circumstances, let’s praise Him when everything is going right and when everything is going wrong. Let’s thank Him for all the good and bad times. Let’s have the faith like that of Abraham, the faith like that of Job, and expect both good and bad things to happen.

Let’s learn to worship God in
all circumstances.

A Poem to my guardian angel

Left alone on this dark and lonely night.
Knowing very well that you were all I ever had.
Abandoned me, when I needed you to hold me tight
When I needed you to comfort me as I was sad

You were my pillar of strength, I looked up to you
Ensured me that everything was okay, when I had no hope for tomorrow
Made me believe that your words were true.
But today, I’m walking alone in what I call sorrow.

Darkness engulfs me, will someone ever rescue me?
Will someone ever come, and set me free?
Will the light ever find me?
Or has it turned it’s back on me?

I’m gonna walk these streets on my own.
Find comfort where the sun shines no more
Find comfort where sadness never knocks on my door
        Remember
I’m your child that you chose to disown.

I am me

I am me

Dark, bold eyes, brown hair and beautiful smile.

I am me. 

Kind, loving, caring and wise.

I am me.

Boring, shy, a person with no style

I am me.

The girl who never lies.

So one day when I turn old and grey 

When I sink my false teeth in a glass of water…

Remember that I am me.

And i’ll always be me.

So one day when I no longer have the strength to play 

And I no longer recognize my neighbor’s daughter…

Remember that I am me 

And i’ll always be me.

Yes my body will be saggy.

And i’ll no longer be the vibrant me.

High blood will attack me, and i’ll no longer be disease free.

But still, remember me.

The old me.

And know that i’ll be me.

I always be me.

I’ll always be….Makhubu Nonkululeko Evelyn.

It feels like yesterday

It feels like yesterday.
Yeah, it’s almost the end of the year of 2013 and this was/ is my third year at the University of Johannesburg.

Gosh where do I begin?
Honestly, it feels like yesterday when I went to register, stood in the long queue, got tired and fed up, but nonetheless I knew I had to register. The sun was scorching, I was hungry and tired….i’ll never forget that queue….January 2011.

You remember the etags?
Haha…. I failed those classes, probably three times before I went to the next one, I felt like giving up, I had no faith and hope in me. But now guess what? I’m an expert when it comes to computers :)

It feels like yesterday, when I was running around, lost, looking for cles 101. I was late, and I couldn’t find that class, and I gave up looking.
It seemed like I kept on bumping onto first years, who were also looking for a certain class. Tried asking around….but asked the wrong people….who were just lost….like me.

It feels like yesterday, when I had to start from scratch making new friends, gosh….the first week was horrible, I remember the first few people I made friends with, can’t remember their names though, or maybe I just didn’t care to ask, we had nothing in common, absolutely nothing, and I had to ditch them.

The second week I made friends with “Shadow”, people thought we were sisters, we looked alike, were both a bit tall and skinny, and we were both smart :). She had to quit school after the end of the first semester because of lack of funds. But I must say, I remember the laughs we shared together, the talks and the experience. You were one of the best shadow :). Miss you girl.

Second semester I was left all alone, I didn’t feel like I needed friends as such, but nonetheless I made friends with Linda and Nondumiso.
Lol I miss Linda, she was a Jesus freak that one, forced us to attend SDASM with her every Wednesdays.
Then life happened….and she had to quit….

It feels like yesterday, when I had a bunch of assignments to complete, not knowing where to begin. Had to ask for help from my dad, who helped me with assignments and tutorial activities. Thanks dad :) for lending a helpful hand.

And next year, 2014 will be my last year at UJ hopefully :) I truly cannot wait for my graduation day. I know I will look back and smile, knowing that I survived high school.
I survived first year of varsity,
I survived varsity all in all and I made it.

I truly cannot wait to wear that black and green gown, to obtain that certificate and make my parents and myself proud.

I am a woman

I am a woman.


Yeah, I’m a woman.

The one who bottles her feelings inside
Putting all negative comments aside

Yeah, I’m a woman

The one who always puts a smile on her face
A smile that everyone would like to embrace

I am woman.

The one who prepares a hot plate
for her loved ones before they go to bed

I am a woman.

Ensuring that my family ate
Even if it’s just tea and bread

I am a woman.

The one who strives for success
In order for her to be independent someday.

I am a woman.

I will be successful, nonetheless
I will not throw my dreams away

I am a woman.

The one who bears a soul inside her womb
Give birth to a beautiful creature

I am a woman

The one who makes sure to prepare a warm room
For the one who’s one day going to be a “wise teacher”

I am a woman
A strong
And beautiful woman.

Yeah….

I could have been your soul mate.
I could have been the one to make you happy
I could have been the one for you, to cuddle with and kiss.
I could have been the one who would have made a good wife to you.
I could have been your soul mate.

Fate…destiny….
Had a better plan for me.
Reminding me that I deserve better.
Reminding me that I am strong an beautiful and I don’t deserve to be hurt.
Fate…destiny….
Had a better plan for me.

The smiles we shared.
The laughs. And the talks.
I know deep inside me.
That I could have been your soul mate.

I could have been good to you.
Loving and made sure that you had something to live for.
Something worth waking up to.
I could have been good to you.

I could have been your soul mate. But would you have returned the favour?

I could have been good to you, loving and caring. Would you have done the same thing too?

Destiny… Fate…..
Had something better for me.
And that something….it definitely isn’t you….

I now love teaching

In 2009 when I matriculated, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, I had so many thoughts and I was confused. I always wanted to be a lawyer, this was my first option, and when i matriculated, many careers came into mind, I wanted to study journalism, law, politics, fashion designing and philosophy. Teaching never crossed my mind. I took a gap year as I wasn’t sure, completed a learner-ship with standard bank, and then I knew i had to apply later that year of 2010, but I still was not sure. I realized that time waits for no one, and I had to get going. Got some advice from my mom’s employer who suggested I study teaching as there were many bursaries, she then added that I can still study for what I desire after I have completed my B.ed degree. Having no choice, I applied.

To be honest, I never enjoyed my first year of study, I knew and felt it in my body that teaching was not for me, I even wanted to quit, I just had no strength to carry on, but then I realised how lucky I am that I managed to secure me a space at UJ and I realised how lucky I was to have gotten a full bursary. I carried on, and studied.

2012 I went to the best schools in Eldorado Park, (Eldorado Park high also known as blue school) this is the school which made me fall in love with teaching, I really enjoyed my stay there, the learners were welcoming and they participated really well in my lessons. They just made me fall in love with the teaching profession and I just couldn’t wait for tomorrow to see their beautiful faces and begin a new lesson with them.

Thank you so much to the learners of Eldorado park high school for making me realise that teaching was indeed my calling.
Thank you so much for the wonderful experience and moments I shared with you.
Thank you so much for allowing me to realise that teaching is indeed for me!!!

Again, thanks for the wonderful experience.
—-

Love

To love is to suffer. To avoid
suffering one must not love. But
then one suffers from not loving.
Therefore to love is to suffer,not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy is then to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy.
Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer,or suffer from too much happiness.

White rose

The white rose which speaks of love and of humanity
The white rose which attempted to build a peaceful community
The white rose which pleads for kindness to never ever cease
The white rose which whispers the words of peace

The white rose which brings humour, joy and happiness
The white rose which heals a person’s soul
The white rose which erases all of sadness
The white rose which makes a person whole

The white rose
Is often ignored

The red rose
Is the one that’s adored

The ghetto

The ghetto.

Where most children are born out of wedlock

Where most children grow without a father

The ghetto.

Where my 13 year old niece is now a mother

Abandoning her daughter and adopting the “catwalk “

The ghetto

Where most girls don’t sleep at home anymore

Bunking school , they don’ t care about their grades .

The ghetto.

Where your bestfriend is now a whore

Not being intimidated by HIV AIDS .

The ghetto. 

Where our beautiful mothers cry in and out

Trying to escape from the hands of poverty

The ghetto.

They are emotionally tired without a doubt.

But still , they are victims of robbery.

The ghetto.

Where our children sleep on empty stomachs

Eating out of trash heaps if they are lucky sometimes

The ghetto.

Where our mothers get cash out of the cans

they ‘ve collected during the storm

Trying to put food on the table for their children and spouses

When all they need is a cup of coffee to keep warm

While the rich sit upon their beautiful houses.

The ghetto.

The colour of my skin

Born into the colour of my skin I was destined to fail

I was destined to dropout of school, and struggle to get a job.

Born into the colour of my skin, being said as a violent male 

Drowning in my sorrows everyday as I sob.

Born into the colour of my skin, no one wants to hire me.

Jobs turned down, interviews never given.

Born into the colour of my skin, I wasn't destined to be free.

I struggle everyday to make a living.

Born into the colour of my skin, I was destined to be oppressed

Born into this corrupt government who take from the poor instead of giving

White police driving around, looking for a black kid to arrest

Claiming that a black kid wandering in the streets at night is capable of killing

Born in the ghetto, it’s really hard to make it out alive.

Convicted for nothing, but hey, I’ll survive.

Beauty is skin deep: black is beautiful.

Questions :

I hate being black because everywhere I go I’m being discriminated

I get denied jobs because of the colour of my skin

Why wasn’t I born Caucasian

cause then I’d be appreciated 

It’s like being born black is the most greatest sin.

I wish I had Long and straight hair 

I can’t stand this nappy hair that resists to be untangled

Racists always feel the need to stare 

You could swear that I’m about to be strangled

All I ever wanted was the pale skin and blue eyes 

Not forgetting the blond hair and long nose

But hey I’m trapped in my soulful cries

Was this the life I chose?

Answers: 

Wherever you go you may be discriminated

But you mean the world to the one who created you

To Him you’re special and sophisticated

So why do you care what others think of you?

He gave you this nappy hair that’s so soft as wool from sheep 

And the brown eyes that lights up the whole city

You’re an African beauty, your beauty is skin deep 

Racists stare at you only because you’re pretty

Your dark skin has a history to tell 

And besides, white people age faster

Racists will go to hell!

Let racism be an old chapter!