A new fresh start

I used to be a fitness fanatic, conscious of what I ate, I used to go to karate classes, dance classes and participated a numerous times in the walk the talk 702. I got depressed and gave up on myself, I gave up on life, and stopped doing the things I loved... that was in 2012. 

I felt like I was constantly walking in darkness, trying to find my way out, but I was trapped, and I would find myself crawling back to my dark hole. I would cry myself to sleep every night, my pillow was my solace, it knew my pain and suffering.

I was an emotional wreck,  I gave up on God, I tried to quit varsity, I couldn't face the world anymore, it was so dark and gloomy. I wanted to dig myself a hole and never emerge from it.

I don't know what kept me strong, what gave me hope to look forward to another day. I could have taken  my life, every time I thought things could be better, they became worse.  I kept hoping for a better day.
During that year, I lost my great grandmother,that was not the cause of my depression, she was old, 97  years old, always in pain, she couldn't do anything for herself, and she was longing for God to take her. I cried, I had spent a lot of time with this person, all my life to be precise... for her to leave me. 

That year I lost a best friend, she was also not the cause of my depression, I cried when she moved to another country, even though we speak through emails, it's not the same, and I found myself longing for her, feeling lonely without her, she was like a sister to me... haven't seen her since.

Whenever I lose someone I was once connected to, I cry, even if I've know them for a couple of days, weeks or months, I cry, and it takes me a while to forget about them, hence I try my out most best not to get too emotionally attached to them, I miss them in a way that I can't comprehend.

So... I'm dedicating this year and the rest of my life to stay healthy and happy. Though I cannot predict what tomorrow holds, I can only Hope that I don't become that emotional wreck I was a few years ago. I want to be happy, and healthy.  This means, going back to my dancing and running, eating my greens and drinking more water. Morning walks also help me connect with God. I dedicate this year to God, peace, health, wealth and happiness.
So I had decided to cut my hair on the 2nd of January this year, the last time I did, I was in grade 5... primary school. I felt like I needed a change, I wanted something new, fresh, and I'm embracing my short hair! Planning on keeping it short for a while, I think this hair cut suits me, your thoughts? 

Stay blessed!!!

[Makhubu Nonkululeko Evelyn]

2018- a year of abundance

I declare and decree that 2018 will be a year of abundance... abundance in God's blessings and mercies, abundance in love, wealth,health, peace, happiness, breakthroughs and spirituality.

This is the year we allow God's will be done in our lives, it is important to do so, God is the pillar of our lives,our lives are not ours but belong to Him. Let us serve Him, honour Him, follow Him and do what He has called us to do.

We cannot start our days and end them without prayer! We are connecting with God in 2018.
We are carrying our crosses and following Him.
We are achieving our dreams.
We further our studies.
We motivate the youth.
We leave toxic relationships.
We are falling in love.
We are getting married.
We are making money.
We fulfil God's purpose in our lives.
We are meditating on His word day and night.
We remain positive.
We befriend positive people.
We embrace everything Godly.

In 2018, we help the needy, those who cant help themselves,
We portray Jesus in all we do,
We don't judge, we advice.
We don't hate, we embrace
We dont hurt, we comfort.
We don't tolerate people, we celebrate them

Again, we portray Jesus Christ in all we do!!!

Stay blessed.

[Makhubu Nonkululeko Evelyn]

2017

Firstly, I would like to start of by saying that God is great.

God has never disappointed me.

God has always made a way for me.

I appreciate every little effort that God has made in my life. God continues to show His love for me everyday. He continues to bless me and walk with me where ever I go, protecting and guiding me because I am His. And I would like to say, I truly appreciate that.
I'm not perfect, I'm a sinner, I have a done a lot of bad things that I'm not proud of, however, I am willing to walk with God just like Enoch did, to walk in God's light, God's path.  I am willing to surrender my body, heart and soul to God in order to persue a strong relationship with Him.

I am asking that in this year of [2018] God enables me to reflect the Lord Jesus Christ in all that I do, I want to spread His word better than I did last year, and I want to give my life anew to Him. Without Him I wouldn't be where I am today.

I have learnt to surrender all my problems, sorrows, suffering and peace to Him, I've learned to pray harder, whether I'm happy or in pain because Jesus is the source of my life, Jesus is my only Hope! He is our Anchor in the midst of life's storm! He is the Anchor that steadies our souls.

2017 has been a good year to me, better than all the previous years and I pray and hope that 2018 Will be much better. 

2017 has taught me SELF WORTH.

To love myself, 

To never allow anyone to take advantage of me.

That I matter, I am important

I must NEVER allow myself to be an option

And that I was placed on this earth for a purpose.

God has gifted me with unique abilities & talents! I must never allow someone to make me feel insignificant!!

I wouldn't have realised that if I walked this journey alone, I walk with Christ, and he continues to speak to me, and constantly reminds me how wonderfully and fearfully made I am.

2017 has taught me more about CARING.

I realised that I tend to put other people's feelings first than my own, especially when it comes to my learners. They can be very disruptive and ill mannered at times, but I realised that I love and care for them, most my kids  come from disadvantaged backgrounds, some have gone through similar things that I've also experienced, and some have gone through worse. I laugh with them, make jokes with them, I learn with them and cry with them. It's so important for them to realise that someone truly cares, I try by all means to treat them with respect and love. And I hope that through all their circumstances, they will grow up to be better people in the future.  I hope that they hear God's voice through their circumstances.

God has led me to help a few individuals who are really in need, children who need love, who need care, who need support, God has led me to identify a few individuals and I have tried to help those individuals through God's power and might and I hope that this year in 2018, I do better than I did last year, I pray that God gives me the strength that I need to pursue what he has called me to do, because my mission here on earth is to serve God through serving His people.

2017 has taught me to be able to LET GO.

I have lost so many people in my life, people that I've truly loved and cared for, I've lost them, and it's okay.

I have learnt to let go, to let go of anything that does not make me happy, whether it be people or my thoughts. I've learnt to let go and to be at peace with myself. Life made me realise that people have different destinations, we are not meant to go the same route, we are different and our journeys are different and it's ok it's, ok to lose the people you love sometimes, it's ok to let go.

We are not meant to live together forever, sometimes the people we love die and we have to live with that, we have to accept that it is fate, life is not fair and it's ok, it's not supposed to be. Maybe God is trying to protect us from getting hurt by people who claim to love us, we will never know why we tend to lose these people in our walk of Life, God has the answers and we will never know them but it's ok.

I broke up with the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, after four years of our relationship, we broke up. I thought it was the best thing to do since we constantly argue over the same thing, it gets tiring, and I didn't qthink I would be able to explain myself to him about the same issue all my life. We broke up, I cried, and it's okay. Life goes on, Jesus heals. I wish him nothing but happiness and peace.

2017 has taught me to  LET GO AND LET GOD.

It has taught me to Let God handle my life, I'm done trying to walk this journey of life alone. I need Him, I need His advice to make it out there, after all, He is all that I have, and I have to listen to His voice attentively.

I have learnt to let God's will be done in my life, not mine.
  2017 was the best year for me.

It was the year of growing in CHRIST.

Year of KNOWING MY WORTH.

Year of learning to let go.

A year of healing.

A year of taking risks, opportunities and gaining my strength.

It was a year of love, peace and happiness.

All thanks to the Messiah🙌

[Makhubu Nonkululeko Evelyn]

Update on my work

This blog post was rouge posted on the 29 of October 2017 on WordPress...
[ https://nonkululekomakhubu.wordpress.com/ ]

I know that I haven’t updated my blog for a very long  time. I was lazy and busy but I’m back and I hope that my readers haven’t given up on me.

The last time I blogged was in July 16 2016… I haven’t abandoned my blog, will not. I actually enjoy writing and reading what I write. 

So let me quickly update you on what I’ve been up to.
Nothing much…

 I only realised now how much I love my job, actually, I’ve been enjoying what I do since July last year. I’m teaching grade 10’s, these learners are always challenging me, intellectually. I learn something new from them, everyday. They are actually keeping me on my toes. 

Teaching is a demanding job, one has to prepare lesson plans daily, ensure that in my lessons I include all learners from different socio-economic backgrounds, learners with barriers to learning, gifted learners, ill disciplined learners and learners who have emotional and behavioral disorders. It’s tough… really, but I enjoy what I do. As a teacher, my role is to evaluate each child’s individual needs and strengths. Then I develop  strategies that will include all my learners from diverse backgrounds.

One class has an average of 45 learners, big group of learners, But quite manageable. Per class you would find that there are two or three boys who are ill disciplined… always disrespectful, disruptive and never complete their work. I still haven’t mastered strategies of dealing with such learners. I always try to calm them down, give them leadership roles within the classroom but it does not always work. The last thing I want to do, is to send a child outside the classroom. They are at school to learn and it’s  my role as a teacher to ensure that their needs are being met.
I remember when I started teaching, I was young, shy and clueless. I didn’t have that confident of standing in front of my learners and teach. They didn’t like me then, almost all of them because I had replaced their favorite teacher who went to study further. So most of them were upset. I used to  come home from work crying, cause  I couldn’t take the abuse I was getting from them, but towards the end of the term, they had learned to love and appreciate me, and I have learned to claim my position as a teacher and teach them.
The hardest part about my job is not having to deal with disobedient learners, preparing lesson plans, marking over 350 scripts x6, having to deal with colleagues or take the abuse from learners.

The hardest part about my job is in finding the root cause of their contumacious behavior. What they tell me, is beyond me. They happen to leave me helpless and they make me realise how cruel the world is.

I love kids, I really do. I believe in them, I believe that they will be the ones fixing our forefathers mistakes, our mistakes if ever we fail. I believe that they have the capability of changing the world to the better, of rewriting history rather than only learning from it.

Our children are going through a lot, I’ve stopped questioning them about their backgrounds because whatever they tell me, leaves me emotional and powerless.

Learners are being raped on a daily basis by people they trust, their fathers, brothers and uncles. Some are HIV positive, and they have to live with this virus for the rest of their lives. Some deal with abusive parents, step parents and other relatives who are supposed to be loving and protecting them, but they leave these children broken and shattered. Some.. It’s just external environmental factors… gangs, crime, poverty and peer pressure. I pray for them everyday, to find peace in their lives, to heal, to find God.  I pray God hears their cries and protects them, I. Pray God rescues them from whatever situations they face. I pray God have mercy on them. Most importantly, I pray that they never lose faith in God because without Him, we are lost. I pray that God shows them that He’s a miraculous working God, He can turn our pain into gain, our suffering into joy, we just need to focus on Him, He hears our cries, and like He said, He will never leave nor forsake us. 

I understand that, before we get to our breakthroughs, we first have to come across potholes, raging waters, disappointments and the state of giving up because all hope is lost, but what some people go through, is unbearable. Especially children. They are the most vulnerable ones, and they are mostly the ones who commit suicide. 

I’m scared, I’m scared that one of my learners will not be able to handle what they go through, and they end up taking their lives. That’s why I pray for them, I’ve fallen in love with my learners, all of them. I make sure that every morning I get up I pray for them, we pray together in the classroom and I pray for them when I’m about to sleep.

Prayer… can move mountains. 

Now if prayer can move mountains, imagine how it can change someone’s life around. It is important to pray for one another, to pray for people we don’t even know, for it is in prayer that we have union with God.
If I regard iniquity in my heart, The Lord will not hear. But certainly God has heard me; He has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, Who has not turned away my prayer, Nor His mercy from me! – Psalm 66:18-20

Nonkululeko Evelyn Makhubu.